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posted November 2nd, 2015, 2:01 am


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January 28th, 2015, 4:28 pm

GreenKrog

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Flint is such a fucking troll. I mean, he is a super nice guy, but this was NOT the right way to go about it.

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November 2nd, 2015, 2:08 am

Yan Mouson

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Flint, dude! Not okay! I mean, it is okay that you're not trying to rape her, and this might be pretty funny in any other context, but I want to emphasize IN ANY OTHER CONTEXT.

Incidentally, just how much does Flint know about the context? Obviously he figured she's trans by now and that she did not have a good day, but he might have not been made aware that this is the worst possible time for rape jokes. The jury's still out as to whether there actually is an appropriate time for rape jokes.

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November 2nd, 2015, 9:04 am

Guest

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@Yan Mouson: I don't think he did it to be funny, it seems like maybe it was more meant to be a surprise and he was trying to build anticipation. But you're right, this was entirely not the best way to go about it.

If he did know what happened, this could have been an attempt to show her that not all guys are bad. Though to be honest, I don't think he knows. This would be a horrible thing to do to someone who just went through that, good intentions or not.

In my opinion, there's never an appropriate time for rape jokes.

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November 2nd, 2015, 10:49 am

GreenKrog

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@Guest: He was just trying to build anticipation and probably trying to gain trust. With all the horrible things that have happened, he is trying to show that she can trust him completely. It was however a pretty bad time to do it, and I don't think he quite gets how deep Annie's mental scars go.

I would think at this point he knows what happened. Word spreads fast in schools, and Lexi DID beat the snot out of that guy while Annie took a day off. Dr Bernt probably filled him in on some of the details, since she knew that Annie needed someone big around to make her feel safe.

Your opinion on rape jokes is wrong. (Kidding, opinions aren't ever wrong, they are not a statement of fact). I say that it is wrong because black humour has been used forever to take away the sting of tragedy. If your friend dies in a car accident, and the rest of your friends are getting drunk in remembrance, it is entirely appropriate to call said friend a dumbass for being out driving when they were. It doesn't mean you think they were a dumbass, it means you are trying to bring some humour to a humourless situation. Stop people from getting deeper into hurt and being afraid to talk about it, so they can start to recover. My friends make fun of my history pretty frequently because they know it makes me, somehow, feel less bad about being trans. By taking away the power of a word, they know they can help me get through it without having to walk on eggshells or letting me get stuck in my own mind.
One of my friends was being spousal raped on a frequent basis (when she was asleep, that suck fuck of a husband she had). Until she got out, nobody made light of it. When she did, and she started to heal and was gaining mental traction, we poked fun occasionally, lightly, just to get her to stop internalizing. And we know it helped because she said it helped. It made it so that she could talk to any of us, any time, on any level of depth about what happened, because we won't make fun of her. That might not make a lot of sense, making fun so that she knows we won't make fun. But that is how it works out when you use black humour. You use your jokes now, so the other person knows everything on your mind, and you can both be serious when required.

I can't say that is necessarily true for everyone. Maybe it is just a stupid guy thing I have always had as part of me. Maybe I just really like Ecclesiastes 3.

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November 2nd, 2015, 3:04 pm

Guest

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@GreenKrog: You bring up a good point about using humor to take away that sting. I hadn't thought of that, but that seems like something Flint would do as well.

I suppose I've done exactly what you're talking about without really thinking about it. Humour can totally change the mood of a situation.

I hadn't read the entirety of Ecclesiastes 3 until you mentioned it, it is quite beautiful, I can see why you like it.

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November 2nd, 2015, 4:08 pm

GreenKrog

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@Guest: This is one of the reasons I so dislike the modern PC culture. Black humour was a critical component of dealing with trauma for a long time, but now everyone just labels it as 'triggering'. PTSD psychologists advocate to attempt to re-immerse the victim in the incident so that they can relive and conquer it, instead of pretending like it never happened. Strength by growing from trauma instead of making 'safe places' to coddle them.

There will never be a clear division between what is too much or too little without knowing the person. 99% of the time, you can make fun of my tranniness and I will laugh with you. That other 1% it hurts like hell. Nobody, especially not me, will know how I will react until it happens. But I would far rather be living life and dealing with things then, say, spend another 10 years forgetting how incredibly close I was to being raped and then having it nearly break me for months when the memory came back up because I didn't work through it.

All of this said, it is based on conjecture more than it is on hard science. Psychology changes frequently as we learn more about how humans work. We are *ahem* lucky to have so many veterans coming back from the war so that we can get more data on how to properly deal with it. Despite what many third wave feminists would like, we are also learning a lot about how to deal with rape in a way that doesn't leave victims forever scared of what happened.
Keeping things taboo just keeps people in the closet and makes them fearful to talk about it. Opening up makes everyone able to properly help each other.

As I've vehemently stated in the past, I am an atheist. Because I know the bible much better than the majority of the 'faithful' do. But there is a lot of beautiful imagery in holy texts if you can weed out all the horrible things.
Plus, 'The Birds' sang a song called 'Turn Turn Turn'. It basically quotes that passage. It was quoted at my grandmother's funeral.

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November 2nd, 2015, 4:41 pm

Guest

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@GreenKrog: I miss the 90's in that respect, things were less PC. I get when a "safe space" would be used but now it's just overused and for FAR too long. Makes me think of a recent South Park episode that dealt with the whole "safe space" BS.

I do think there is a time to work through things. It depends entirely on the person but putting a little bit of distance between the actual events and working through them can go a long ways, especially when it comes to perspective. Waiting too long though, yeah that really only serves to make things worse. It's that old adage of getting back on the horse, it may be scary to deal with things, but not doing so isn't an answer.

As much as we live in a society that has too much of a focus on being PC, things are gradually becoming less taboo. Look at LGBT issues, especially trans rights being in the spotlight. We still have a long ways to go, but we're talking about it, which is more than can be said 10 years ago.

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November 2nd, 2015, 2:05 pm

Yan Mouson

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@Guest: Personally, I think offensive jokes, rape included, are okay if they're funny enough to offset the offensiveness. Also, the most important thing to remember is intent. For example, there's a difference between someone who makes a racist joke but doesn't mean it, and someone who makes a racist joke because he believes it's absolutely true. Again, same goes for rape jokes.

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November 2nd, 2015, 10:30 am

GreenKrog

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@Yan Mouson: See below.

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