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posted December 18th, 2015, 2:01 am


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February 2nd, 2015, 6:45 pm

GreenKrog

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I'm going to get into the why later. But yes, Annie is now on serequol, the same stuff I am on. In a much, much lower dose, mind you. But it makes everything very heavy, physically. Standing in a shower is hard. Keeping your eyes open while sitting is hard. Everything is hard. That effect goes away after about two weeks, and then your mind basically just gets to be an underclocked processor. Or, for gearheads, imagine your brain being stuck in first gear on a highway.

Julie is making a very valid point right now - Annie is defining herself by who she isn't rather than who she is. This is a valid way to do it, but that isn't the healthiest way either. It tends to lead to negative phrasing instead of positive.
"I am a girl" vs "I am not a boy".

The other thing, which I really wish I could expand on more but I really can't find a good way - I am an exclusionist transperson. In that I do not include transvestites and drag queens under the trans label. As what Annie says, "I am not one of those". This is what Annie is afraid of, and what I am afraid of - being referred to as one of those.
Now, the problem is, I have no objection to transvestites or drag queens. You know what, if it makes you happy - fuckin go for it. Just don't call yourself what I am, because we really don't have the same issues. I am a girl all the time, I don't get to take off the makeup at the end of the day and go back to 'normal'.
So does this make me a bad person? Does it make Annie one?
Julie is trying to get Annie to be able to answer that. And right now, that seems hard to do.

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December 18th, 2015, 2:47 am

Iona (Guest)

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I agree with you. I hate it when people try to include them under the Trans label because it misconstrues the motivations behind the actions. There are already too many prejudices against Transwomen being "men in drag" so using the same label for actual drag queens and transvestites aggravates the issue even more, leading people who might otherwise understand to perpetuate the insulting and offensive stereotype. When I first came out to a friend he asked me "Why don't you just try being gay first?" because he equated it with sexual desire. I'm Trans because I am a woman. Not because I wanted some sort of sexual gratification from dressing in a certain kind of clothes. It's not who I go to bed WITH but who I go to bed AS. It took me months after a certain surgery to own it and have the ability to say I am Transsexual, solely because it had to do with my genitals and I was getting hung up on whether or not that meant it had always been about sex. Then I realized that it was coming from the part of my Catholic upbringing that shames and demonizes sexual urges coupled with the stereotype of "men in drag." I am human and unless you're asexual, which I'm not, then having sexual desires is a natural part of that. It doesn't mean that I "became" Trans just to have a vagina. It means that I desire to have sex as who I am and not with a thing that filled me revulsion and an overwhelming desire to rip it off. It's hard to feel sexy or wanted, even while someone is actively and consensually doing sexual things to you, when all you can do is restrain yourself from mutilating yourself. It was something I could ignore day to day but I couldn't have real intimacy because of it.

P.S. I think you meant "you locked yourself in a bathroom for HOURS..." not "in a bathroom for house."

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December 18th, 2015, 11:28 am

GreenKrog

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@Iona: Typo fixed and some colouring fixed.

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December 18th, 2015, 2:54 am

Becky (Guest)

Underclocked Processor

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Hi Greenkrog,

UK based long time reader, first time poster here. I love wildflowers. I feel the highs and lows with Annie and go from eleated to despondent but all the triggers of my Gender Dysphoria are totally worth it.

I am a nerdy transgirl pre-everything and on meds to help me cope while I am on waiting lists for treatment and having an underclocked brain is so true. I'm going to steal your analogy and start using it all the time. I am normally really productive and a deep thinker but I just can't 'engage' my brain somedays on these tablets. It's like I want to bash my head with a hammer just to get it going again like a car not starting in a cheesy film.

Still it's it's better than being a blubbing puddle of tears and mascara or wanting to run out of the room screaming eh?

Lots of love and keep up the great work.

Bex
x

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December 18th, 2015, 11:31 am

GreenKrog

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@Becky: I'm terribly sorry to hear that you are being screwed by how slowly the system works. To be honest though, I wish I had the numbing drugs during transition instead of after because of how long and painful everything was.

I hope that some day you will be able to be off of them and be a full person again. You deserve that.

Thanks for sticking with this.

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December 18th, 2015, 4:37 am

Vicky_michelle (Guest)

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I am Transgender. I am a Transexual Transgender. I am a MtF Transexual Transgender person.

I have no problem that Crossdressers, Transvestites, Drag king/queen, Genderqueer, Non-Op transexual, Pre-op transexual, Post-op transexual all get grouped under the Transgender label. I feel that anyone who falls into those categories has a right to claim to be a transgender individual. Anyone who goes against the Gender System (Binary) could claim that they are transgender. I know by that definition that a Tomboy would be considered transgender.

However, we are all humans and we learn as we grow (at least that is the hope). I personally know people who want to dress as a woman on Friday/Saturday nights, who love the clothing, but like being a man the rest of the week.
Others who start out just dressing on Friday/Saturday, then dressing after work, then to full time, as they feel more comfortable. To me this is the CD to TS effect. Where the person has always been Transgender, but defines herself differently.

Is a FtM transexual any less of a transexual if they started life out being someones daughter? Then self identified as a tomboy, later to come out as a lesbian (by definition woman who loves a woman) who is butch. Then after a few years, deciding that it is not enough to be a stone butch, but rather they are a man?

The people i don't consider to fall under the transgender category is a cis-man or a cis-woman who dress up for halloween, or a party, as someone who crosses gender barriers.

All that being said. It's just my opinion, and i totally respect your point of view. I just don't quite agree with it. ;o)

Submitted with peace and love to all who break the gender stereotypes and barriers.
Vicky

PS. some people shorten both transexual and transgender to "trans" this confuses some people to think that transexual and transgender are exactly the same. In my opinion they are not. All transexuals are transgender, but not all transgender are transexuals. Think on that one for a while.

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December 18th, 2015, 9:13 am

JohnR (Guest)

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I'm in agreement with Vicky Michelle. I currently identify as a somewhat gender-variant male and I express part of that aspect of myself by crossdressing. I don't know at this point if this is just a step on the road to being 'full-on' trans (VM's 'CD to TS effect'), but I still consider myself to fall under the so-called 'trans umbrella'. That said, I would never try to equate the trans experience with that of a CD - there are some similarities, granted, but there are also major and significant differences. I hope that a day will come when people - cis, trans or otherwise - can express themselves however they like without having to worry about whether they're violating some antiquated socially-constructed gender taboos.

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