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April 6th, 2013, 12:57 am

GreenKrog

Lithium

So, for those of you paying close attention to things that you haven't been privvy to yet... *backs up a bit*

I've been working really hard to keep a bit ahead so that if I say, get in a motorcycle accident, people won't be missing out on their daily dose of Wildflowers. As of today (Apr 5th), I am posted till May 26th. I had one hell of a crazy week, I did 14 comics!

Well, the reason that I did 14 comics in one week when usually I struggle very hard to do 7 is because of mania. I have mentioned before that I am bipolar, which means I experience both depression (very low mood, often with suicidal thoughts and sense of worthlessness), and mania, which has an elevated "invincible" mood. With mania, you are very productive, making snap decisions and usually getting very little sleep. Its actually pretty fantastic (aside from the incredible danger of doing double the speed limit on your motorcycle. Sorry mom!)

The problem is when the two intersect. You see, bipolar is not a binary system of high or low, it is a quadrant system. Top left, you are normal/normal. Top right, you are manic with no depression (and a real party animal! Banging out webcomics! WOO!!). Bottom left, you are depressed and suicidal, but usually too tired to act on it, or too scared to do anything.
Bottom right, when mania and depression overlap, is where the real danger is for a bipolar person. Here, you have the energy, the racing thoughts, and the poor decision making skills. Couple that with no self worth and suicidal idealation, and you end up with arms covered in scars and an attempted overdose.

I've been working for a long time on finding the right balance of mood stabilizers and antidepressants with my doctors. Nothing has worked, so we are now moving on to lithium.
Lithium is a fairly heavy mood stabilizer. It takes the edges off both depression and mania (mostly mania) and helps makes you more 'normal'.
So, I now have lithium working in me. I am insanely tired most days, getting about 12 hours of sleep while my body does its best to adjust to the medicine.

I'm letting everyone know because it will either work, and I will be up in full production and keeping ahead of/on schedule with Wildflowers, or it won't work, and I will either be a zombie or.. much worse. I don't want to go down those roads, and if it means I have to take time off to focus on myself, I will.

In the meantime, everyone, please, love yourselves. You will never know who needs you just to smile once. Or to be there, just BE there, with nothing more. The impact you have on people is phenomenal. Try to make it a good one.

And remember, if you wouldn't say it about a friend, why would you say it about yourself? Love yourself. You are worth it.

-The very, very tired AnneKrog.

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